I got into meditation because I thought I was going to jail.
I figured that if I were to end up in jail, I could be like 2Pac or 50 Cent. It could toughen me up mentally, and maybe I could be more gangster. So, in an effort to prepare mentally, I found myself at the library looking for books on how to be happy. One of them was all about mindfulness and meditation. And thus, my journey of meditation began.
Nearly a decade later, I found myself at Suan Sati. I can still remember that first silent morning. The cool morning air. The joyous bird songs. The silence. I felt at home.
I enjoyed the silence so much, I actually grew a bit irritated when breakfast ended and conversations started to arise. In that moment, I knew that there was something potent in the silence. Something tangible, but hard to talk about. Thus, my commitment to silence and meditation grew deeper.
“Meditation is the discovery that the point of life is always arrived at in the immediate moment.” – Alan Watts
What Is Meditation, Even?
Meditation is a wonderful thing to do. I wish more people did it – especially government officials, airport security workers, and most importantly, my parents! 🤣
I’ve been on 12 silent retreats, yet I still find it hard to write about what meditation is. There are so many nuances, and everyone’s experience is different. So instead, I’ll share a few personal opinions on what meditation is NOT.
#1 Meditation Is Not Always Beneficial
Meditation, like all things in life, isn’t inherently good or bad; it depends on how you use it and what your motivation is.
I spent a lot of time meditating even when it was doing me harm. I forced myself to sit because I thought it was a “good” thing to do, but looking back, I probably would have been better off if I had done something else: go for a walk, join a men’s circle, or do some yoga.
When someone is feeling overwhelmed or emotionally unsettled, sitting alone with it can sometimes make things worse. I’ve learned that firsthand.
In Buddhism, they teach right view, right motivation, and right action. When it comes to meditation practice, it looks something like this:
Right View: I am suffering, and I can do something about it. It’s my responsibility to work to reduce my suffering.
Right Motivation: I can use meditation as a tool to alleviate my suffering
Right Action: Meditation
Contrast that with the following.
Wrong View: If I make more money, then I’ll be happy.
Wrong Motivation: If I do this meditation visualization, it’s going to help my business grow so I can attract higher-paying clients.
Wrong Action: Meditation
I don’t always approach my meditation with right view. For example, often when I have a headache, I meditate to alleviate the symptoms. Nothing wrong with that, but if my motivation to sit is “I want to change the way I feel,” then it’s going to impact my practice.
Tip: If you’re looking to meditate so you feel better, get what you want, or reach your goals faster, I’d say slow down and check your expectations.
What are you believing should happen? What is your motivation? What are you expecting?
Have an honest look at your beliefs and motivation before hitting the cushion, because meditation may not be the right tool for you at that time.
#2 Meditation is Not Always Easy
Meditation is hard for the same reason silence is hard: it’s hard to be alone with our thoughts.
But here’s the kicker: meditation isn’t meant to be easy. It’s a technique, a practice, and in Eastern religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism, it’s a tool for self-liberation. (Whoa, that’s a big word!)
It’s only recently that people have been using meditation to help with sleep, stress, productivity, etc. Combine that with an expectation that there’s a quick fix for all ailments, and you’re bound to be disappointed. As with any activity that’s not easy, it can be hard to show up consistently. But the longer I’ve done it, the more I enjoy it.
And guess what happens when you enjoy doing something? That’s right, it’s easier to improve. It hasn’t been a linear path, but the more I enjoy my meditation, the less resistance I have to doing it. Is it always easy? No. But the more I do it, the more I trust the process.
Tip: Next time you meditate, turn the volume up on your curiosity and say to yourself: “This might be hard, but I might learn something. Let’s see what happens.”
It might be pleasant. It might be painful. If it’s pleasant, then great! Enjoy it. If it’s painful.. also great! Pain is a helluva teacher. Which leads me to our next point…
#3 Meditation Does Not Always Feel Good
Meditation isn’t about achieving a certain feeling tone, it’s about increasing your capacity to be more present with more of your experience. It won’t magically make all your suffering disappear, but it can change your relationship with your suffering and help you move through it with more ease.
If I’m having a tough day and I sit down to meditate, it usually brings me closer to the discomfort inside. If I’ve been avoiding my emotions all day, sitting down to meditate might very well take me closer to those emotions. That doesn’t always feel like a cozy embrace. Au contraire, mon amie!
Even when it doesn’t feel good, there’s still growth. Or, at the very least, I’m able to see things with more clarity.
Tip: Remember that discomfort isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong; it’s often a sign you’re getting closer to your present moment experience.
As the adage goes, the truth can set you free. But first, it may kick you in the gonads and give you a wet willy. Meditation can bring you closer to the truth, but that doesn’t mean it’s gonna feel good all the time.
The Practice is Always Here
“The thing about meditation is: You become more and more you.” – David Lynch
Unfortunately, meditation didn’t make me more gangster. But it did give me a way to meet life more honestly. To sit with the discomfort instead of run from it. To find stillness, even in the chaos. It’s not always pleasant. It’s not always peaceful. But it’s always an opportunity to come home – to presence, to breath, to truth. And most importantly, to myself.
If you’ve been to Suan Sati, you probably know what I mean. Maybe you remember that first silent morning. The rice fields. The scent of incense drifting through the air. The pre-dawn sky beginning to lighten. Sitting cross-legged on a mat, eyes closed, body still. Maybe you remember how it felt to come home to yourself. Even just for a moment.
If it’s been a while, maybe now’s the time to return. Not to a place, but to that quiet space within. Just for a few minutes. Just to see what’s here. You might be surprised by what meets you in the silence.
